A few months ago, I got my first iPhone. So far I’m rather pleased with it and I’ve found it’s a lot more reliable than my old pee-oh-ess Samsung.
What I haven’t found a use for yet is Siri.
Siri bothers me for a number of reasons. One, I don’t like her/his voice. If Siri sounded like Marvin the Martian or had a Boston accent, I’d be more inclined to use her/him. Two, Siri tried to sabotage my marriage. My husband was trying to program Siri to know “Hope” is his wife so she would dial my number when he said the words, “Call my wife.” Driving home one night, he tried to demonstrate in the hopes of impressing me. The conversation went like this:
Husband: “Siri, call my wife.”
Siri: “Which wife?”
Turns out he’d manually entered my info into his phone after syncing it from his previous contacts, so Siri didn’t know which “Hope” to call. Still, I blame her.
Now that I have a Siri of my very own, I figured I’d give her a second chance. A shot at redemption, if you will. So I enlisted her help with my writing.
The result? I still have no use for Siri. And the only writing I got out of it all was this damn blog post.
Conversations with Siri About Writing
Me: Siri, give me a writing prompt.
Siri: That may be beyond my abilities at the moment.
Me: Tell me what my story should be about.
Siri: I’m certain you’ve heard it before.
Me: (Again) Tell…me…what…my…story…should…be…about.
Siri: (See below)
Me: Siri, tell me a writing tip.
Siri: Why don’t you tell me something instead?
Me: Siri, do you like to read books?
Siri: Oh, that would be cheating.
Me: Siri, do you like stories?
Siri: I really have no opinion.
Me: Siri, what is your favorite word?
Siri: I’d rather not say.
Me: Siri, what is your favorite story?
Siri: I don’t really like talking about myself.
Me: Siri, do you have a favorite author?
Siri: My name is Siri, and I was designed by Apple in California. That’s all I’m prepared to say.
Me: Siri, can I be your favorite author?
Siri: I don’t really like these arbitrary categories.
Me: Siri, do you think I’m a good writer?
Siri: I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t answer that.
Me: Siri, did you know you’re not a good writing coach?
Siri: This is about you, not me.
Me: Siri, can we write a story together?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: I’ll start. Once upon a time…
Siri: I don’t know what that means.
If Siri can’t help me with my writing, she’s no good to me at all. Just to be sure, I also asked her where in the vicinity I could purchase a real fruit smoothie, and she suggested McDonald’s. The nerve.